Dec 10 2007

Oath

Published by Dave at 6:43 am under Random Thoughts

Jul sent this to me today. I swear to God, these should have been our wedding vows:

1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile — I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared — I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused — I will use little words.

7. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

8. When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end.

‘Why?’ you may ask; ‘because you are my friend’. Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

17 Responses to “Oath”

  1. # Mernoon 10 Dec 2007 at 9:21 pm

    #8. Marianne is all about #8. For as long as I can remember. She laughs, covers her mouth, and eventually gets around to asking if I’m okay. It’s the physical humor of it she loves more than actual concern for my well being. This is why “Tommy Boy” remains her favorite movie ever.

  2. # Daveon 11 Dec 2007 at 2:33 pm

    Julie has a big dose of #8 too. We both engage heavily in #7, although we do offer to get the other whatever they need to be comfortable.

  3. # Pattion 11 Dec 2007 at 6:39 pm

    oh yeah, i’ve seen this plenty of times. It’s supposed to be about friendship but works really well for marriages too! Oh and brothers and sisters. I’m all about #7. Right now B has a cold and i’m staying away…although i do keep offering medicine,soup and tea

  4. # Mernoon 11 Dec 2007 at 9:04 pm

    Why are we so nice when the other one is sick? It’s one part actual concern for your spouse’s well being and comfort, with a significant hidden undercurrent and resulting adrenaline rush of “Thank God it’s her/him and not me…” But then…..I have to take care of the kids…..alone…..hope I can find the peanut butter……

    Jim

  5. # Mernoon 12 Dec 2007 at 5:21 am

    We are nice when the other is sick in hopes that whenever we end up sick our spouse is equally nice. There is no compassion involved, just self preservation.

    Change number 4 to, Whenever you make a mistake….and that is Jim.

  6. # Mernoon 12 Dec 2007 at 12:39 pm

    to clarify….whenever I make a mistake, Jim rags on me every chance he gets.

  7. # Daveon 12 Dec 2007 at 3:47 pm

    Julie does that too. Usually quite loudly, with a remark like “HEAR YE HEAR YE LET IT BE KNOWN THAT DAVID HAS (insert screwup) AND HE IS NOT PERFECT.”
    Of course, I screw up so infrequently that she has to make a big deal out of it. Same with you and Jim, I’d imagine. :D

  8. # Mernoon 12 Dec 2007 at 6:49 pm

    yeah, thats right I hardly ever screw up

  9. # mazon 13 Dec 2007 at 5:20 am

    Sometimes I screw up, sometimes I screw down, depends on the mood.

  10. # Daveon 13 Dec 2007 at 9:31 am

    In your youth you screwed sideways, but the ol’ bones won’t go for that anymore.

  11. # Pattion 13 Dec 2007 at 6:55 pm

    He’s not kidding, i’ve witnessed the “here ye here ye” speech…and when i’m there i usually say something like “oh put it on the calendar, on this date in history, Dave was wrong. He actually DOESN’T know everything”

    nottin’ but love for ya

  12. # NTPWFon 13 Dec 2007 at 6:58 pm

    I don’t mind when my husband screws up…as long as I’m on top. Jul, I know, I know lalalalalalalalalalala

  13. # Daveon 13 Dec 2007 at 9:55 pm

    *snort*

  14. # jackieon 14 Dec 2007 at 6:14 am

    I just got what NTPWF stands for…

    : )

  15. # Mernoon 15 Dec 2007 at 12:06 pm

    could ya clue me in then Jackie?

  16. # jackieon 15 Dec 2007 at 3:43 pm

    not on a family forum…

  17. # Daveon 15 Dec 2007 at 8:27 pm

    NTPWF is Jacque Mazza, and it stands for Nipple Titty Panty Woody Fart, the five words that make Jacque laugh.

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