twodinks.com

Watch the video…

…then check out this open letter from OK Go.

That’s right. The latest Transformers flick inspired me to coin a new phrase: C.G.I.arrhea. Just what is C.G.I.arrhea? Well, it’s much like good ol’ diarrhea except that you get to pay $9 bucks to experience it (and if you’re lucky it comes with a pair of flippant juvenile fucks that enhance the experience with their text messaging cell phone use). It’s like Michael Bay had all these crazy fun robot bashing ideas gestating inside his head like a Mexican viral stomach infection and then, on June 24, he just couldn’t hold them in any longer and unloosed them on us in a kind of spewing mess of random images and incoherent story fragments that make you want to drown yourself in your $4 dollar 32 oz cup of syrup sweetened ice tea and perhaps follow that up by jamming popcorn behind your eyeballs in a vain attempt to block the images from reaching your optic nerve.

Judging by box office receipts there are throngs of detractors that would tear me limb from limb for my statements if only they could take their hands off their Megan Fox inspired hard-ons to do so.

We didn’t plan on seeing this film. We went to the theatre intent on seeing the far superior Star Trek before it finished its run only to learn that I had misread the show time online and that it in fact had finished the night previous. When I asked the ticket agent what else was showing right around then we ended up with Transformers: ROTF. I had my suspicions going in. I didn’t mind the first Transformers film but that one was more than long enough and it felt like they had done it all that time around, i.e. I’d had enough of the Transformers. Man was I way off. Not even ten minutes in and I’d had enough. Diana and I kept looking at one another with “are you kidding” and “should we get the fuck out” eyes. I’m not sure why I didn’t lead the charge and get the fuck out. I like the majority of Michael Bay directed films I guess. Hell I even like Pearl Harbor and I’m sure as many people that paid to see this dreck (Transformers) would disagree with me about Pearl Harbor.

I’d like to save you dear reader some two and a half hours of your life, if you haven’t already lost them, and encourage you to spend a few moments over at ratemypoo if you feel the urge to see some shit on screen.

Live long and prosper.